I must confess....sometimes I do not listen when others talk. Ideas and responses are busy playing out in my head. There isn't room enough inside for both of us to talk, leaving my ability to know what is being said lacking.
It usually isn't because I don't care about them or what they are telling me. I simply have a tough time putting others need to be heard above mine sometimes.
Sure I can try to find justifications for it. Perhaps the need to talk is genetic. I grew up in a very vocal family, each demanding to be heard. Sometimes is got quite loud in our house. My first report from kindergarden said, "she is a very good student, but talks to much." My daughters and some of my grandchildren are amazing verbalists.
But all kidding aside, there are reasons we become poor listeners. Perhaps there is the feeling nobody really hears what you are saying, so you simply keep talking hoping sooner or later they get it. Which gives little room to be an active listener.
If you operate out of a sense of defensiveness, you turn off the ability to understand what others may be saying. No matter the topic you must figure what to say next in defense of your belief.
Sometimes we simply do not want to hear what is being said and allow ourselves to drift elsewhere for a few moments. Any wife or mother is aware of the amazing ability children and spouses have in selective hearing. Many husband will tell you wives are the same in this regard.
Some cultures have utilized a talking stick. One must not say a word until it is passed to them. Which shows this has been a long standing problem.
So, if you are going to spend time in conversation, then take the time to actively listen. Let the other person know you are hearing and understanding what they are saying. You will appreciate the same courtesy when you get to talk. If necessary....go get a stick!
Enjoy Huge Laurie in a skit about him not actively listening!
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