Adoption - It's Not Like Buying A Charm For Your Bracelet!

The Haitian orphans in the news have created quite a a stir. More than a few people are suddenly talking about the idea of adoption. Certainly some have been considering this move for a while, clearly others became inspired by the pictures filling the airwaves.

As an adopted person I feel qualified to address this issue. First, let me be clear about this....adoption is a wonderful concept which may provide stable, loving homes to those lacking them. I am not saying these children do not deserve the same. But each adoption should be carefully considered.

It is easy to get swept up into the moment and jump onto the adoption bandwagon. Frequently the prospective parent fails to think through the total commitment adoption brings.

Adopted children tend to be non-refundable, they are yours....for better or worse. Some of these children will face adjustment stresses, especially those experiencing trauma, losses and separation from anything familiar. Some do well immediately,  others will slowly will adjust, and some will never fit in.

Children adopted from a different cultural background visibly carry characteristics which forever announce they are adopted.  Generally this issue creates little or minor problems, but sometimes the need to connect with their roots and find who they are overtakes them. This may be a problem for the adopted family to understand and accept.

Additionally some friends may not honor your decision to adopt, some family members may not support this new being into the fold with loving acceptance. And while this country has come along way, it still has a way to go accepting the less familiar family make-up.

It is important for prospective parents to take the blinders off when making life changing moves which effect so many others. Such a decision needs to be clearly based upon what they have to offer the child. It requires a commitment to nurture the individualized portion of god's love in each being, without expected personal return. An adopted child owes no more that any other born into your home.

Each of us are  born a completed package of DNA, including basic personality traits which become difficult to change. Every child brings challenges to the parent to deal with. Not everyday will be easy, or pleasant.

The do list:
Love them unconditionally. Accept them for who they are. Nourish their spiritual being. Set a loving example. Expect nothing in return.

The don't list:
Don't expect perfection. Don't adopt to make yourself feel or look better. Don't think you are "saving" anybody by providing a home.

And last but not least :
We are NOT pets. Or a new charm for your life bracelet to brag about. We are not required to be eternally grateful to you for "taking us in". If you make us family....you become our family. We deserve a safe, loving, supportive home for no reason other than we exist. Some of us will require more patience and support than you will ever imagine. But the love we have to give back will be well worth the time given.

So, think before leaping. Then leap without fear into a wonderful experience. Good luck to you all and God Bless.