What is Love?

 Love.....what a concept really. It comes in so many forms

I am not a fan of many so called Holidays like Valentines Day.  Sure it is very good for commerce and I know for many it is a big deal. I guess I am a spoil sport.  I prefer the term realist.

Why you ask? Because concepts like this inflict emotional damage unintentionally.  For example: what if you are expecting a diamond engagement ring and end up with a box of chocolates?  Or you have a dream date dancing in your head and he doesn't call.  Or your relationship is on the rocks and the last thing you wish to do is spend a miserable evening around tons of lovebirds swooning over each other.  Perhaps your perfect mate dumped you recently and this evening will be spent alone with a gallon of ice cream.  I am sure you could add to the list.

But what is love and how do you know if you found it for yourself?  Trial and error worked for me since I am a slow learner.  I have experienced love, loss of love and much love in many forms over the years.  If you have read our book "Tripping Over Enlightenment" you know from what I speak.

I think the real reason a relationship fails is because of unrealistic expectations and the crazy notion someone else is to make you happy.  Sorry but that is your job.  All that happily ever after stuff is a fairytale.  Ideas like this make us emotionally dependent in an unhealthy fashion.  It keeps us frozen in relationships which no longer work.  We end up staying in environments which we dislike out of fear and lack of trust in self to make changes.  It hold us and our partner from finding something which is sincere and honest.
 
One of the saddest questions I hear from clients is are they going to outlive their spouse so they can have a few good, free years ahead?   WHAT?  Why would anyone ask that!  Because they have sold out on some level be it financial, religious ideals, co-dependency or fear of being alone.  Never put yourself or anyone you supposedly love in such a position.  If you or your partner harbor ill and unable to forgive transgressions any relationship will be difficult to maintain. If you or your partner fail to re-commit love then love will never return in kind.  When looking at each other all you see is pain and damages it is time to reevaluate. If you no longer can nurture each other then move on. If you fail to release each other from a loveless, damaging situation each of you will stay locked in misery.

A healthy relationship nurtures independence, promotes personal and spiritual growth and loving support even when it is the last thing you wish to do.  A health relationship takes work, each and every day.  A healthy relationship means having the ability to look away from the things we find so annoying.  A healthy relationship can see you both walking together years and years from now. It allows one to blossom.  It means you stick it out during hard difficult times. Love unconditionally means exactly that.  

Most importantly relationships require a commitment to make them work from both partners.

Otherwise the joint commitment has already ended and should be put to rest.